Killing time before work, because I actually didn’t get the day off today. Going through Seth Dalton’s photos -because they are awesome- and I ran into this. Buzzing my hair was one of the best decisions I’ve made in the last couple of years. I LOVED IT. The warmer it gets, the more I miss it. But I must resist. I have plans for this hair of mine.
Hi. I love you. I am really happy we had that conversation, even though it was about a really sad thing.
— The Guide To Getting It On never gets old.
Can’t look away. The individual group intros are my favorite part. Really though, the whole thing is my favorite part.
“In any case, that would have certainly not been the reason why I found you intimidating.”
This is what happens when I write and walk. My phone has no space to go over messages and then I send a little butchered thought that makes no sense at all. I wanted to sound thoughtful and unrepentantly flirty, dammit! Fine, I guess everything does happen for a reason, after all.
AllistarÊ - Copulate
Almond - Low country blues
Booksi - Books give me a frantic excitement that is almost uncontrollable at times.
Depression trail - Is that my place to haunt?
Do today - Call gym / Call ymca / Go to the salon / Clean living room
Email - M****_l****@brown.edu
Hotelo - Exit 33a / Comfort suites laurel lake // 14402 laurel way place, laurel ma 20707
I swear, no words - I don’t think in full sentences anymore. It is quite upsetting. I try to steal some imagery from the everyday and all I end up with is little pieces of plastic stuck on my fingers. That gets in the way.
Loan - Brown University / Box 1950 / Providence, RI 02912
Ork - Map
Pep talk - One rejection closer to an actual offer!
The only debt - My partner saved me from myself. Forever grateful
What is this - “If you don’t stay close to God you are going to change, you are going to become worldly and a different person. Other things will become your god.”
I cut my hair right after I got back from camp (I process in mysterious ways). The day after this situation happened, my one guy coworker came back with a spankin’ new do that was suspiciously similar to mine and the plans I’ve been blasting I have for it (letting my hair grow takes an amount of willpower I’m still working on). My theory, given his comments about my hair, is that he was mad I was the prettiest boi at work. My thoughts, given his actions, are twofold: One, go you for changing things in whichever way you want them to change! Two, I’m still the prettiest boi.
Really? After having no feelings, ever, I’m gonna have to process through all of these?
Seriously, I was walking around work, getting shit done, but all I keep thinking was this. Fuck. If somebody had stopped me, if one person had asked me how I was feeling, I would have dropped everything and that would have been my face. Hurt, angry, and terrified.
I would have cursed for long enough to be able to ask myself: what am I going to do now?
Fuck this.
(Source: thechocolatebrigade, via feminist-locks)
Oh boy, today was a hard day at work. The high-high high reached a peak and started its descent. I was not prepared for this, even though I had been dreading it the second I set foot in California. I am a preemptive pessimist with no planning skills.
Side note: Go me! for starting to write half an hour earlier today. At this rate I will actually be able to write at an open coffee shop in, I don’t know, three months or something. Side note to the side note: I refuse to do math after midnight, bite me.
Last week I went to this place that had never existed before. I came back like anyone who comes back from a place that was slowly built in someone else’s dreams for over two years. I came back remembering that reality is not that important sometimes.
The second I realized this was a thing that was happening was the second I didn’t know what to make of myself anymore. There was magic in that place, and as long I was there, I was sure I was magical, too. I am so lucky.
I don’t know where to go from here, but I’ll come back tomorrow, to keep trying.
